As I'm sure you've heard by now, last night George W. Bush gave the best speech of his life. It was moderate, yet resolute, demonstrated a commitment to a being strong force internationally, yet held out compassion for those struggling at home, firmly criticized his opponent, yet good-naturedly mocked his own short-comings. In other words, it was full of shit.

The first twenty minutes or so W laid out a domestic agenda of some forty items he would pursue to make life better at home, if he were elected President. It was mighty impressive, with some "compassionate conservative" spins on items right out of the Democratic party platform. My main trouble with it was that it was a great speech for somebody accepting the nomination for the first time. But where have these ideas been the last 3-1/2 years? Why it taken him his entire first term to put together a domestic agenda that can only be accomplished in a second term? Because it's all BS. It's smoke and mirrors designed to appeal to the swing voters who are scared of Bush, but unsure of Kerry.

Then came the meat and potatoes of the speech, and the message of the week; G.W. must be re-elected because 9/11 proved that there are bad guys out there who want to hurt us, and G.W. doesn't care who he has to kill to get at them. Oh, yeah, and he'll protect the rights of the un-born against militant homosexual judges.

I was scared, I tell ya. Not because of what he said, but because of how well he said it. Speaking for over an hour, he barely sweated at all and only had a few minor mispronunciations. If people actually believed 60% of what they heard, he could actually be re-elected.

Then came the Kerry speech in Ohio. Not many stations covered it, and none that I could find had it in its entirety, but those who did see it saw what a real statesman looks and sounds like. It's more than simply pronouncing the words right; it's feeling them too. Yes, he started at the lectern looking at his cards, but then he pulled the microphone out of the stand and wandered around the podium speaking directly to the people, without his notes, and you knew that this was a man who understood what's going in America today, and what to do about it. He wasn't being fed focus group tested catch phrases by his handlers; he was explaining what could be done to get this country back on the right track. I felt much better.

Looking at those two performances, back-to-back like that, I could see how important the debates will be. Yes, Bush has grown as President, and handles himself much better in public speaking situations, but he doesn't hold a candle to Kerry. As long Kerry stays away from the word "lockbox" he should do just fine.

I'll be honest here; I haven't watched very much of the Republican Convention. It's not that I haven't tried. It's just that keep getting disgusted and tuning it out. I've been turning to Chris Mathews and the gang at MSNBC to keep me up on the latest happenings, but I keep missing what I'm told are the highlights.

Here's some of what I've seen so far:

• Laura Bush talking about the great progress that has been made in achieving America's vision of equality, from Lincoln freeing the slaves in the 1860's, to women getting the right to vote early in the last century, but leaving out the Voting Rights Act of 1964. She had to leave that out, because then she'd have to admit that the "party of Lincoln" opposed guaranteeing African-Americans access to the ballot box far more recently than when they did anything positive for blacks.
  
  
• The Bush Twins joking about having joined Dad's campaign because they were looking around for something to do, now that they've graduated college. Hmmm... could they be having trouble finding something to do because THERE'S NO F***ING JOBS?!?!
  
  
• Dick Cheney trying to come across as a nice guy. I couldn't hear what he was saying, however, as Leslie kept shouting obscenities at the screen. Or maybe it was me doing the shouting?
  
  
• Zell Miller giving a tirade on why he's the token turn-coat Democrat to be speaking at the RNC. I think it was something like, "I introduced Bill Clinton at the 1992 Democratic Convention, and what did I get? Nothing. Not a cabinet post, not an invitation to spend the night in the Lincoln bedroom. As recently as 2001 I was giving speeches praising John Kerry's leadership, and did he pick me to be his VP? Heck no! So I'll show them! W's promised to take me fishing in Crawford if I give this little rant here..."
  
  
• Rudy Giuliani telling a story about 9/11; "I remember at a couple of times during the day, turning to my chief of police, holding his arm, and saying, 'Thank God that George Bush is our president.'" Right. And the chief turned to him and said, "Can you let go of my damn arm? I've got f***ing city on fire I've got to tend to!" Another thing I noticed while Rudy was talking; the audience looked completely bored out of their minds.
  
  
• Stephen Baldwin being interviewed about being the "non-Democrat" (and non-famous actor) in a family of famous liberals. Steve said that he was the RNC, not for political reasons, but for a religious one. He's concerned about how this country has turned away from God in the past 20 years, and he's there to support the candidate who he perceives to "have more faith." Steve claimed that there's no friction in the family because of his stance. An hour later I saw brother Alec being interviewed (on a real network), saying basically the same thing; "There's no friction in the family YET."
  
  
• Speaking of actors being interviewed for no apparent reason, Ron Silver was on a panel on MSNBC and gave one of the few bits of true insight into how W might actually be re-elected. Silver is your basic stereotype New York Jew turned Hollywood Actor; liberal and progressive all the way. But he's supporting Bush. He's not proud of it, but he's doing it because he's scared, and he feels just a little bit safer with a crazy cowboy in the White House. His point was that he feels there are many more Democrats like him, who when talking to friends (or answering to pollsters) say, "Anybody but Bush," but when they get into the voting booth will feel the fear and re-elect the guy they hate.
  
  
• Patrick Guerriero, head of the Log Cabin Republicans (the Gay Republican group) expressing his dissatisfaction with a party platform that has several anti-gay planks in it. He, of course, was not invited to speak from the platform, this interview was only for late-night cable TV viewers. I'd recommend visiting logcabin.org and reading Patrick's statement about the platform.
  
  
• John McCain being interviewed everywhere, steadfastly refusing to say anything nasty about his friend, John Kerry, or distance himself from his President, George W. Bush. Is it too late for him to get the nomination?
  

I accidentally, and thankfully, missed Ahnold's speech. Tonight is W's big one. Ooh. I can hardly wait...

I tell ya, I feel loved. Really loved. Just take a look at the important people who took time out of their busy schedules to send me personally autographed photos of themselves:

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Go ahead - click on 'em. Take a good look at the personal messages! I tell ya, I feel loved, needed, respected, and torn. Gosh! I can only vote for one of them. One of these nice men is going to be disappointed in me!

The part I can't figure out, however, is how I got to be "Charter Member of the campaign in California" for GW. Maybe I received that honor for all the kind things I've said about the president on this blog? It's so personal, how he's posing with his lovely wife instead of with that ugly guy who runs the country.

Actually, on closer examination, I'm not convinced that Bush actually signed this thing. Take a look at the signature - It looks more like "Gov Bill" than "George Bush." Do you think Clinton sent this to me as a joke?

The Kerry and Edwards signatures are certainly real. You can tell by the fact that they used blue ink to make it stand out from the printed portion. And how Kerry's pen seems to be low on ink. You'd think Edwards would let him borrow his, wouldn't you? Or, maybe Kerry's light touch is because he can't make up his mind whether or not he actually wants to sign it?

I've taped both pictures up above my desk so that I can stare at them every day for then next two months as I try to decide who to vote for. I'm just hoping Ralph Nader sends me a picture to, so I can collect the full set...

Have you got Olympic fever yet? I thought I did, but it turned out to be just a little allergy thing. For the few hours I've spent watching, I'm enjoying the spectacle, but I'm just about done with it now. The opening ceremonies were brilliant, and there've been some impressive performances, but frankly, I've fallen asleep each night with the TV on waiting for something exciting to happen.

I believe the most exciting thing is that it's happening at all. Just a couple of months ago there were all the reports of facilities not yet built, and the impossibility of providing security. Once the construction was complete, I was not too concerned with the possibility of terrorism. As my father-in-law said during the opening ceremonies, "No matter what else you may think of Al Queda, you gotta believe they're not stupid enough to piss off the entire world in one night."

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Leslie's back to work as of yesterday. Well, officially, as of yesterday. In reality we were in the classroom a couple of days over last week and the weekend getting it set up before the official return to work. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow are all meetings and planning sessions; the kids come back to school on Thursday. Yes, it does seem to come earlier every year.

I may also be back to work full-time soon, as well. I did get one offer, which I'm mulling over (will most likely formally accept shortly), and I've been informed that I'm on the short list for another interesting position. After ten months of semi-self-employment it will be nice to return to a certain amount of economic security, and to seeing other people during the day.

It will be hard, however, to get used to actually getting dressed and showered before going to work, and losing the flexibility that the consulting provided. All things are a trade off. Were it not for mounting medical bills (remember that gall bladder surgery?), etc., I might have given the independent route a little longer.

I have a new guru, and I feel much better now. My new spiritual guide is a five-year-old boy named Mason.

This weekend we went down to Bakersfield to visit an old friend who's living there, sharing a house with some family, including her little cousin, Mason, and a dog with obsessive compulsive disorder.

The dog is otherwise very sweet, but her OCD comes out in form of insisting that everybody throw her tennis ball for her to fetch constantly. Not a moment of down time. She just thrusts her face (stuffed with the ball) into your lap over and over, then moves on to the next person, over and over.

We were joking about the dog's obsessive behavior, but Mason didn't mind. He had no problem ignoring the dog's incessant demands. Finally, he explained how he does it. "It's okay," he said unto us. "You don't need to care." Suddenly the dog no longer bothered us.

In the few days since then there have been a few stressful situations, as there always are. And in each of them I just thought to myself, "Mason says, 'It's okay. You don't need to care.'" And then I felt much better.

So now I have a new mantra, and you can use it too. Feeling overwhelmed by something that's beyond your control? Done all you can, but the idiots are still all around you? Just about at the end of your rope?

Then repeat after me:
Mason says, "It's okay. You don't need to care."

Today's post is a musical one. I've wanted to pick up the mandolin for years now, and Leslie just bought me one for my birthday (I've got a great wife). So... here's the first sample of what it can do (or, at least, what I can do with it):

Mando Piece One - find other recordings at Ken's Garage.

If Ralph Nader were a stock, the authorities would have to step in and stop trading before its plummet caused a crash of the entire market. The independent candidate will not appear on the California ballot, having only collected little more than half of the signatures required by last Friday's deadline. So far, he's only turned in completed petitions in 18 states.

Resorting to the sort of dirty politics that he's supposed to be running against, he's now in a last-ditch effort to convince the California Green Party to split with the national party and list him as their presidential candidate instead of David Cobb (whom the Greens nominated last month).

As last hurrahs go, this is turning out to be one of the most painful I can remember witnessing in a long time. Particularly so as I once so admired and respected this man who now appears to be as desperate and deluded as... as... - I don't know... maybe as desperate and deluded as W?

I'm still trying to come up with something a little more positive and upbeat, but for now my personal campaign slogan is, "Greens for Kerry; it's a decision we hope we can live with."