Yesterday I had an interesting horoscope: "You're a visionary and will be drawn to bring ethereal concepts into the real world. Inspiring impossibilities spur you to create your own unfeasible outcomes. To get to your goal, you need the help of others."
To me it meant only one thing: Start my own cult. I've always wanted to be a cult leader, but have never made it a high priority on my to-do list. But that whole thing about bringing visionary concepts in the real world touched something spiritual inside me. And that bit about needing others, well, it pointed out that I need to start recruiting members.
So, this morning I went and got myself ordained. I visited the Church of Spiritual Humanism and clicked the "Ordain Me" button, and now I'm a member of the clergy.
I chose to be a Spiritual Humanist because it is "based on the ability of human beings to solve the problems of society using logic and science." Also, after a few web searches I found that most of the folks who'll ordain you online (and free) are specifically Christian sects, and although some will allow you the title of "Rabbi", nobody (not even Jews for Jesus) will ordain you as a specifically Jewish Rabbi.
So, now that I'm ordained in the Church of Spiritual Humansim, I need to decide what title I want to be known by. I'm thinking of are "Inspirational Leader," "Universal Rabbi," "Lama," " Peace Counselor," or "Guru."
Since I'm going to be needing some followers, why don't you email me with your choice of my title, and some ideas of what you'd like from this new congregation? Also, if you'd like me to perform any weddings, baby namings, or other ceremonies, just let me know. I'm here to serve you, my devoted followers. Oh, and donations are always welcome...