As they say, "If you can't beat 'em; join 'em."
So I headed on down to JoinArnold.com to apply for a position with his administration. There are hundreds (thousands?) of jobs that he'll need to fill over the next couple of weeks, and I figure I'm as qualified as the next guy, so why not?
I looked over the list and decided that I'd go for Poet Laureate. Yes, that's on the list. You might think that Poet Laureate is a non-political post that could carry over from one governor to another, but you'd be wrong. This is a very sensitive position, in more ways that one.
Having decided on what my job should be, I clicked on over to the online job application form and started filling it out.
Other than "Party Affiliation" the first part is pretty standard job application stuff. Then comes the conflict of interest and lobbyist questions, and you realize that Arnold is serious about cleaning up Sacramento. He's certainly going to be weeding out anybody who's been having secret meetings with energy companies that the state is currently suing. (Oops - didn't Arnie do that?)
He also wants people of character in his administration. One question asks if you are under investigation for any kind of criminal activity, and another asks about anything embarrassing that might come up in your background check. Excellent questions; wouldn't want anybody who gropes or sexually harasses their co-workers getting in.
Then there's this one, "Have you ever had any association with any person or group or business venture which could be used, even unfairly, to impugn or question your character and qualifications for the requested appointment?" Do you think making a movie with Tom Arnold fits in here?
I was just about done with the application when it hit me: If I actually get a job with the administration, I'll have to move to Sacramento! I've lived in Sacramento before, and I felt damn lucky to have gotten out. No, that was the deal breaker. You don't apply for a job in a city you have no intention of living in.