Friday, October 06, 2006

Teacher hit you with a ruler? Lucky SOB...

Teachers will be able to pack a lot more weaponry than just a ruler if Wisconsin State Representative Frank Lasee gets his way. The Republican (what else?) plans to introduce legislation allowing teachers, principals, and other school personnel to carry concealed hand guns. This, of course, in response to the spate of school shootings over the past two weeks.

Says Lasee:
"To make our schools safe for our students to learn, all options should be on the table. Israel and Thailand have well-trained teachers carrying weapons and keeping their children safe from harm. It can work in Wisconsin."
Thailand, it should be pointed out, is near a civil war with Muslim separatists who view teachers as part of the government. Israel, contrary to what Rep. Lasee says, does not allow teachers to carry guns, but does station armed guards at certain school entrances. In Israel, too, they have a slight problem with Muslim terrorists.

So, as the spouse of a teacher, do I think this is a good idea? Am I looking forward to sending my wife off to work with her stack of graded papers, her sack lunch, and a holster under her blouse?

I could write something really sarcastic here, but Warren J. Bowe Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin, has already written the masterpiece of a response. In a letter to the (Wisconsin) Capital Times, he writes (in part):
Finally, the Republicans have found a way to meaningfully support teachers!

As both a teacher and citizen, I spotted the win-win logic of such a proposal immediately. Not only would schools be safer, but the billions added to Wisconsin's economy by a new school gun industry would be a great windfall for the state.

With more than 60,000 teachers in Wisconsin's public schools alone, such a law would help both mom and pop gun shops and the big retailers ... as a whole new market would be opened. Specialty products could include guns manufactured in school colors or engraved with school mascots. ...

... [W]ould state taxpayers fund the law or would teachers have to pay for the heat they pack? Would there be a special ammunition budget? Would we be given extra in-service time for range practice? Could we implement merit pay for those of us who are crack shots?

And most importantly, how threatening would students need to be before we get to shoot them? ...
If the district that my wife works for is any indication, I can assure you that teachers will be paying for their ammunition out of their own pockets. But, we might be able to claim it as a deduction at tax time...

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