Praise be! My computer is back. After a bit over three weeks, I've returned to the modern world. And after getting it back, it only took me about four hours to restore all (or nearly all) my programs and documents to normal. There's still a few things out of whack, but the important stuff (Internet!) is working.
Which, of course, is frustrating as hell, seeing as it's just in time for me to leave town. It's off to San Diego for a few days, but I'll be back on a regular daily posting schedule as soon as I get back.