Monday, September 02, 2002

If you read this post today (Labor Day), turn on your TV immediately, and find the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon. What the hell happened to Jerry? He's bigger and scarier than most Sumo wrestlers!

Speaking of bad television, you've by now heard, of course, that CBS is planning to do a "reality" version of The Beverly Hillbillies - They've been searching the Ozarks for a true hick family to move to BH. (Insert your own Anna Nichole joke here).

Well, now, not to be outdone, Fox has announced they're planning a reality version of Green Acres. You don't need to read the whole story (although it's entertaining), here's the two best quotes...

* "The... concept has been in development for several weeks..." Wow! You mean they didn't just announce it the same afternoon they thought of it?


* "Also unknown is whether the series will even use the name 'Green Acres,' as neither Fox nor [the production company] owns rights to the title." Well, it's not like anybody in Hollywood would sue over their "intellectual" property.

Since we now know that not owning the rights to the show you want to remake isn't a problem, I suppose I can announce my own plans to produce a new reality series: Survivor: Gilligan's Island.

I'll be casting for a real-life tour boat skipper and first mate, a real farm girl, and a real egghead professor. I'll then be putting them on an island with a well-known millionaire and his wife (Bill & Melinda Gates?), and a real movie star (maybe Meg Ryan?). The millionaire and movie star will each be playing for charity.

Can't you just see the "regular" people fawning over Meg the first few shows, then plotting to voter her off saying, "America's sweetheart isn't so damn sweet when she hasn't showered for seventeen days..."

I'd tell you more, but I need big money to spill the rest...

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