"Defective and unreasonably dangerous" pickle threatens National Pickle Week!
I'm sorry to have to upset you folks with this terrible news. I mean, I realize that you were all set to begin the pickle celebrations and all. I've got a two pound tub of baby gherkins, and five of the biggest, crispest, nastiest looking kosher dills you've ever seen sitting in the refrigerator waiting for me. But this just couldn't wait.
Beware of the renegade pickle slices being served up by McDonalds. They leap out of sandwiches at unsuspecting customers in attempts to burn and disfigure the chins of those who'd dare to eat them.
At least, that's what happened to Veronica Martin, of Knoxville Tennessee. But don't fear for Veronica's safety, she had a lawyer to protect her - and all America - from these evil sour green bastard offspring of the cucumber world.
The courts have spoken! The settlement is in! Justice has been served! Let National Pickle Week Begin!
Hold the pickle